Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
