We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
