also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
