I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
