Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
