why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
