farters have to be the big spoon...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
