just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
