i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
