I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
