so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
