Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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