tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
