She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
