and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
