This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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