Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
