as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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