Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
