i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
