A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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