I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
