I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
