Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Small penises have feelings too.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
