Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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