Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
