how hairy? two words: wookie tits
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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