Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
