when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
