Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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