I seem to have left my pride at pride
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
