it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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