I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
