I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
