Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
