Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
