i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
