see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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