I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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