she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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