Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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