what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
