woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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