Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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