What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
