Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
