I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
