May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
