I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
