So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
