just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
