i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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