i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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