it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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