I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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