Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
