I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
