Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
